Friendship.

Posted by on Nov 28, 2012 in Uncategorized | 17 comments

I went out on Monday with my two closest friends. One of whom I have known since school, and the second of whom I met at twenty, so last year. Ok, 19 years ago. We had an amazing day. We shopped, we talked, we ate and we tried on hats.

We totally rocked the hats….

It was so lovely to catch up properly. We slip so easily back into each others company. I miss them, It doesn’t happen often enough, even tho we live within an hours drive of each other. Our lives are at different points- my longest friend has kids similar in age to my eldest. So the first time round we did it together- but now she has one in the first year at uni, and one in the last year of sixth form college. Her life is almost her own again, although that throws up its own panics and worries! My other friend has a child similar in age to my middle one, and is a full time carer for her elderly mother. Her son is at school all week, however her ties to her mum mean she doesn’t have the freedom she should- something she is attempting to change so that she can get her own life back a little.

Then there is me, back to being a stay at one mum after a period back at work. And if Monday brought up anything it is that I do miss female company, or actually, just company full stop! I do not know anyone locally with a similar aged child to Syd. I have nobody to go to the park with, or for coffee. And probably most importantly, I have nobody up the road with a small person for Syd to play with. I have a  third very close friend who does have a daughter a few months older, but she lives a fair old distance away, especially when I have no car, so once a month is about our limit for getting together.

So how do you make friends? I moved here almost ten years ago, and have not a single person I can call a mate in this town. I do not cope well in the playground, while not bullied at school, I was certainly ostracised and have found large groups of strangers to be a difficult thing ever since. These days I rarely do the school run, so that isn’t even an option anymore. The same fear of groups rules out mother and baby groups etc, and in my small town there is not a single activity based baby group- no tumble tots, sensory classes or music sessions.

I have mates in my home town still. But while our long term goal is to move back there, shared custody of my middle child unfortunately ties us to living in this town for another few years a least. Thank goodness for the Internet. Twitter is my friend, and various groups online. They provide the chatter and support of a mothers group, without the fear of the wrong clothes. I consider some of my online friendships to be very real mates these days and look forward to meeting more of them in person.

How do you meet new people? Are you just braver than me and chuck yourself in at the deep end? Or do you have a smaller group of very long standing mates? Fortunately I am reasonably self-sufficient so it doesn’t worry me too much. And of course I have my wonderful boyfriend and my three kids to natter away to, but it would be nice to see other people once or twice a week I guess!

Love Miss Anti-Social? Cisco XXX

17 Comments

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  1. Marilynn

    Awww. I get it. I’m the same really. None of my friends really have kids, or if they do they are much older than H. I’ve only recently met someone with a baby similar ages with Holly and that was after many failed attempts to cultivate friendships with other mums! It’s a minefield out there! I had to be pretty brave! I actually “advertised” myself on the local netmums meet-up page on Facebook! Turns out there was another lovely lady with a baby 5 mins round the corner! It has been great. I know If you lived anywhere near me, I’d be pestering you for company!

  2. Marilynn

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  3. Ben Hills

    If you ever discover the secret Sonya please let me know. I’m not very good at meeting and talking to new people, and as I have spent the last few years working entirely at home I don’t even have work colleagues to natter too. Like you though, I have made a few really good friends online which is great for my sanity :op x

    • Sonya Cisco

      I think it’s a muscle that if you don’t use it you lose it! When I worked I talked to new people all the time, now loathe it!

  4. Ben Hills

    Yea, I think you’re right there – when I had an office to go in to I was very sociable :)

  5. Jennifer Howze

    Interesting post. I’ve been in London 10 years and only in the last few do I feel like I’ve made some true friends (the kind you can call when you’re at the end of your rope, not just ones that are a laugh over cocktails). Every year I get together in NYC with my two closest friends and it’s like we never parted. In a way, that fortifies me for the rest of the year and also gives me confidence to go out and try to find the same type of friend. Although since I’ve known one of them from age 16 (yes, just 5 years! teehee) I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to build another relationship like that.

  6. Suzanne

    I am aware that I thrive on other people’s company. Whilst twitter and Facebook (and blogging!) are all great substitutes, they aren’t enough for me and if on my own for too long I can get quite low. This is probably a failing of mine but part of my personality too. I therefor have to throw myself into things – when my kids were little I joined toddler groups, singing groups, tumble tots! I met friends that ways and then when my second started at primary, I joined the PTA mainly to make friends. Ours was a great one and I really did get to kow people whilst doing something useful with my time. Ihave now finished, thank goodness! It’s difficult for you with children stretched so far apart in age and not having a car :(

  7. Anonymous

    In regards to finding friends, I think you just have to decide which is more important to you – staying at home because you’re fearful of groups (& the potential of being judged) or putting yourself out there because being at home is so lonely?
    It sounds to me that you’re actually quite happy with your life, just seeing your friends reminded you that you feel alone at times.
    If you genuinely aren’t happy staying at home, find whatever excuse you can to just get out there & meet people.

  8. Lynn Fancy

    Hello babe, I had a great day too and I wish I could see you more often! Hopefully I will be back on the road soonish so more visits and days out for us but NO MORE photos of me looking like that arghhhhhh!

  9. Lynn Fancy

    We need girly Xmas drinkies too, you up for coming over to Bere for Cocktail evening??? With Emma of course xxx you can have my double bed if you can leave syd for a night? xxx

  10. Lynn Fancy

    ohhhh boobs I forget grrrr

  11. Joanna Henley

    I get it too, I’m actually quite good at chatting to strangers, but actually making friends?? Nope. Even on Twitter i tend to look in on others rather than joining in much. I want to go to next years britmums event in London, its actually the day after my 40th. But I’m a little scared I’d end up alone in London for 2 days, and that bloody terrified me!! Ojo x

  12. Adventures of a Middle-aged Matron

    You amaze me. Would have thought a rock and roll mum would have been a social butterfly. I left all my friends behind when we relocated and in the two years we’ve been here have yet to find a kindred spirit or a coffee mate, but now both kids are at school it doesn’t bother me. I have a vigorous relationship with my garden spade which removes the need for a social life. But when you have a toddler female company is far more important so you have my sympathy. I’ll have a virtual hat session with you any day!

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