I am watching Christmas on the telly box and I am panicking. I appear to have spent the month watching Kirstie, Nigella et al planning perfectly dressed and delicious parties and festivities instead of organising my own spectacles. I have spent so much time reading Good Housekeepings guide to the perfect Christmas meal and watching people make hand made baubles that I have had no time to do actual preparation.
I haven’t wrapped a single gift in hand stamped, home crafted paper. Nor have I tied any parcels with a raffia bow.
I have studded not one satsuma with cloves.
I have not made any gifts from old paperbacks, nor sweated over personally designed toffee recipes as the perfect present for a loved one.
I have not been lovingly feeding a Christmas Cake whisky since August. I have been lovingly feeding myself whisky since August. If I smear myself with marzipan you may not be able to tell the difference.
I have not got a time plan prepared for Christmas Eve/Day.
I do not even have a menu planned. Roast I thought. Probably.
I have not found the perfect seasonal outfit to encase my buxomness.
I may have to replace the children with cleaner ones to get that M&S family look.
|I DID make some stockings.|
I HAVE got a room festooned with a myriad of carrier bags, stuffed to their brims with an assortment of things to give those that I love. They will be hastily wrapped in a last minute panic.
I HAVE totally over spoilt my immediate family. As I do every year, despite saying I won’t.
I HAVE bought but not used some wrapping paper.
We HAVE printed if not written some cards.
I HAVE got a massive jar of Quality Street on stand-by.
I HAVE for a big jar of pickled onions on stand-by. Tho I had to throw the tail end of last years jar away to make room for them.
I HAVE got scraps of paper secreted in various pockets with words like ‘cranberry sauce’ or ‘sprouts’ or ‘socks for ….’ scrawled on them.
You know what, I ADORE the shiny Christmas shows, and I love the fact that year after year I am naive enough to continue thinking that I will actually replicate some of the things they indulge in. I am ever the optimist, imagining for example that I shall take the children on frosty, woodland walks to collect holly and mistletoe for our mantelpiece. Our mantelpiece is full of TV, and it is always raining when there is a good moment to go out, and my kids would probably rather watch the walk on YouTube.
I will not have a TV Christmas, I will have a real Christmas, with mess, spoilt kids, non-matching wrapping paper, too much chocolate, an unthemed Christmas tree, a massive delicious dinner without much pre-planning (I make a roast most Sundays- how hard can it be), someone will feel sick, over excited kids, arguing kids, too much baileys, paper hats, love, laughter and total chaos. Followed by Christmas Dr Who and a large booze drink when the smaller people are asleep. And it will be ABSOLUTELY BLOODY BRILLIANT!!