When I am King…

Posted by on June 13, 2013 in Life | 12 comments

If I were King, I would pass these (mostly) ridiculous things into Cisco Law…

I do suit a crown.

Cake will be calorie free.

Exercising the mind will burn as much fat as exercising the body.

Bananas will be illegal.

The female reproductive system will be outsourced, the current one is unnecessarily painful and complex. I want my fertility via courier. (and no, I don’t mean I want to shag the UPS man. Question to the UPS man’s wife- if you are not in the mood does he leave a card saying he will try and deliver another time?!)

Children will have pause buttons. Or at the very least mute buttons. Actually, apply that across the board to all people, whatever age, and I am keeping the remote control.

Mashed potato sandwiches will no longer be considered the food of weirdos.

Spiders will be banished.

Simon Cowell will live out his days in a soundproof room where he will listen to his musical prodigies on an eternal loop.

All people, big or small, rich or poor, will have to share nicely, or sit on the stair of shame.

Batman will be real.

Rain will be stopped apart from in specially designated plant growth zones. Unless I am feeling melancholy, in which case I will allow it for an afternoon.

I will always have access to a hot tub. And biscuits.

What would you do?

Love Miss regal Cisco XXX


  1. “Cake will be calorie free.

    Exercising the mind will burn as much fat as exercising the body.”

    Love those two! I’d be a rake if that were true, my brain is constantly whirling!

    Also potato sandwiches are awesome!

    • Yes, I always wish I could just think harder, would much rather read a book about quantum physics than go for a run!! And yes, potato sandwiches do rule- glad it isn’t just me!!

  2. Brilliant! Totally with you on the bananas. I would apply it to milk too!

    • My OH would happily ban milk, I like it in my coffee tho!

  3. Love this! :o). Simon Cowell – lock him in and throw away the key, and I must try a potato sandwich. If the mind could burn off calories, I would be so skinny!. X.

    • Potato sandwiches are brilliant, and yes, I would be considerably thinner if I could think away the cake!

  4. I fear I would miss bananas – if not it would just be ‘split’ which is just ice cream – doesnt have the same ring to it…..


    • Ok, you can have all the bananas, and all the ice cream- dont like that either! When I am King I will arrange for all bananas and Ice Cream to be sent to you! :)

  5. My husband eats mash sarnies too! That doesn’t make it normal though, it just means that you’re BOTH weirdos! My law would be that crisps had no calories and everyone who has a kid automatically gets a state assigned cleaner.

    • It makes us both AWESOME! Loving the cleaner plan too!

  6. Love the top two particulary. So funny! I have never tried potato sandwiches. And I do love banana’s so they would have to stay.If I were King I would make afternoon siestas compulsory and yes the sun would shine all day; and overnight it would rain to keep everything nice and lush!

  7. I’ve had this open to comment for so long – if I was king I’d give you a knighthood for such an outstanding post

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