When I am King…
If I were King, I would pass these (mostly) ridiculous things into Cisco Law…
|I do suit a crown.|
Cake will be calorie free.
Exercising the mind will burn as much fat as exercising the body.
Bananas will be illegal.
The female reproductive system will be outsourced, the current one is unnecessarily painful and complex. I want my fertility via courier. (and no, I don’t mean I want to shag the UPS man. Question to the UPS man’s wife- if you are not in the mood does he leave a card saying he will try and deliver another time?!)
Children will have pause buttons. Or at the very least mute buttons. Actually, apply that across the board to all people, whatever age, and I am keeping the remote control.
Mashed potato sandwiches will no longer be considered the food of weirdos.
Spiders will be banished.
Simon Cowell will live out his days in a soundproof room where he will listen to his musical prodigies on an eternal loop.
All people, big or small, rich or poor, will have to share nicely, or sit on the stair of shame.
Batman will be real.
Rain will be stopped apart from in specially designated plant growth zones. Unless I am feeling melancholy, in which case I will allow it for an afternoon.
I will always have access to a hot tub. And biscuits.
What would you do?