Room 101

The wonderfully funny, and extremely lovely Cas at Mummy Never Sleeps has tagged me to write about the things I would hurl into the Room 101 before slamming the door forcibly behind them. I considered putting people in. All of them, but that is just because I was having a bad day. I feel better now, although I briefly considered still putting the hairdressers in, but I guess it is about time I got over the Dolly Parton-esque wings they gave me in about 1986 and moved on without a grudge.

So what to put in, am assuming we are going for the Merton-esque (Or Skinner, or Hancock for that matter..) as opposed to the Orwellian, so my answers are the light-hearted annoyances of the TV series, as opposed to the deepest darkest fears of the book, although the first one is both!

If the following was a unusual crush list, this man may well feature, but it isn’t, so he doesn’t….

1. Spiders. Obviously.

Yeah, yeah. I know they are more frightened of me than I am of them. They aren’t though are they? Creepy buggers get perverse pleasure from making me scream. I pride myself on being a ballsy sort of a girl, big of mouth, like beer and rock music, not totally crap at pool. But then them arachnid bastards come along and have me on a chair screaming like some dozy mare from a 1940s movie.

I guess really what I should put in Room 101 is my fear of spiders as opposed to the critters themselves. It shames me to be scared of something so small and insignificant. I do not like that I once had to climb out of my lounge window, carrying a toddler, because a fat legged house spider was between me and the door. I do not like that despite my attempts to cover up my fears, my kids are scared of them too, clearly a behaviour they have learnt from me. I want to be brave, but they make my skin crawl, my heart race, and panic sets in. *shudders at the mere thought of them*

So spider phobia, you are IN THE ROOM. BEGONE.

2. David Cameron and his big face. Because so many good things are ruined by his looming huge front of head, with its little iggle piggle like features. Not only are his government pissing on everyone, he then has the audacity to ruin my enjoyment of things like the Olympics, or Andy Murray’s Wimblebum success by appearing in shot with his giant smug mug. He makes my skin crawl even more than the spiders. Evil masquerading as a friendly simpleton with a humongous frontage.

I think the reason that his face is larger than normal is that it is not real. That is also why it has a plasticy sheen. At night he peels it off to reveal a bloodsucking, undead minion of doom, and cackles as he plots more misery to pour onto the common people. BASTARD.

3. Money. Yes, lets pop the entire notion of currency into Room 101 and start over with something nicer and cuddlier in place. Money is a pompous arse. And before anyone says money doesn’t make you happy- I quite, QUITE agree with you. But I tell you what does make me happy- a roof over my children’s heads, clothes on their back, and food in their bellies. Also biscuits are not free, nor rum. See I like some of the things money buys- comfort and that, so why ditch money? Because of how people behave around it, all of us, I am just as bad at times.

 The urge to accumulate money can lead to some very nasty and selfish behaviour indeed, and I wish to return to a barter system. Let’s see how Donald Trump gets on when all he has to offer people is the chance to mock his hair in return for food.  Mind you, I am not sure what I can offer either- ‘Please build me a house, and in return I shall write a slightly witty article about my jolly times with the builders in….wait, come back, where will I live?!’

OK, so bartering may not work either. How about we keep money but learn to share nicely? Or can you invent a new previously unthought of way for things to work – perhaps just genuine altruism- we do what we can for others simply for the pleasure of being kind? Insane idea I know, but so is the idea of worshipping bits of paper with a monarchs head on…..

Anyhoo, I am supposed to tag other people in this, but judging by the fact that since I was first tagged I have been tagged twice more by the fabulous Mum Of Three World and the gorgeous Quirky Kook, I am reckoning every blogger I know has most likely done it already, if not, consider yourself tagged…..

Love Miss Cisco XXX

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22 Comments

  1. August 14, 2013 / 8:31 am

    You’re SO right, his head is really plasticky isn’t it? I guess that way it’s hollow so there’s more room for evil in there…

    AND spiders! HOW do you KNOW they’re more scared of me? HMMM?

    Fantabulous post dude xx

    • Sonya Cisco
      August 14, 2013 / 9:07 am

      I think maybe in reflection he is co pletely hollow and his hollow head contains his workings, so he can be remote controlled by evil alien overlords…

    • Jess Palmer
      August 14, 2013 / 5:57 pm

      Iggle Piggle-esque features is effing genius tho. Sooo Iggle Piggle. Ugh *shudders* He’s like an insipid but lethal gas lurking. I HATE HIM. And my fear of Spiders…altho i am trying to push thru that one. The only thing i’d like to push with Cameron are his eyes thru the back of his head. Money too is a fucker. Great post!

    • Sonya Cisco
      August 15, 2013 / 10:10 am

      HAHA money is indeed a fucker, and Makka Pakka looks like George Osborne….

  2. August 14, 2013 / 9:01 am

    I miss Room 101, nothing better than having a light whinge about things that annoy you! My favourite Room 101 was Boris and his bike, or rather people that abuse him when he’s riding his bike … look how far the Boris bike has got now!

    I may have a go at my own Room 101 later, thanks for the idea x

  3. Galina Varese
    August 14, 2013 / 9:38 am

    I’d chuck in dental clinic or GP receptionists who think they know better and you are bothering them big time. And the slavish admiration for titles in this country.
    Now that you said DC looks like Iggle Piggle, you spoilt the innocent In the night garden for me, lol

    • Sonya Cisco
      August 15, 2013 / 7:47 am

      haha it could be worse, I could have said Makka Pakka look of George Osborne…

  4. sarah
    August 14, 2013 / 9:53 am

    i cant wait to do mine! i totally agree about money, its all very easy to say it doesn’t make you happy when you are scrabbling around trying to find pennies for the bus! Doesnt make you happier i suppose but can make life a bit easier!

    • Sonya Cisco
      August 15, 2013 / 7:48 am

      That is always my point when people say money doesnt bring hapiness, that I agree, but lack of it causes much unhappiness! If you have enough money to go round then your level of happiness is based on your life not on panicking about the bills.

  5. Shiv Ferguson
    August 14, 2013 / 11:08 am

    Utterly agree with you about Cameron, but please don’t put spiders in room 101. They are the underappreciated house heroes battling evil flies and mosquitoes. Not that I wouldn’t feel like climbing out of the window too.

    What would I put into room 101:

    1) Working class people who vote conservative. Who believe that all disabled people are faking it and everyone should work 20 hours a day for 50p an hour or they are more evil than Ian Brady.

    2)The spin doctors who decided that putting Go Home on a goverment placard was a good idea. Only days before this story we saw a poor moslem girl shopping who had those very words shouted at her with accompanying swearing.

    3) Anybody who writes could/should/would of instead of have. I am irrationally upset by this even though I often right alot instead of a lot.

    4) The Royal Baby and anyone else given money and privilege through birth not merit.

    5) Anyone who criticises Corey Taylor of Stone Sour in my hearing. Unless they are a fangirl like me, because like family we are doing it out of love…… 😉

    • Sonya Cisco
      August 15, 2013 / 7:49 am

      Brilliant list- you really should start a blog Shiv- your comments are always EPIC! xx

    • Shiv Ferguson
      August 16, 2013 / 4:46 pm

      Maybe I will, mother of a metalhead musings?

  6. SarahMummy
    August 14, 2013 / 12:34 pm

    Fab post as ever and thanks for the mention. Am truly gobsmacked that a cool rock chick like yourself would be scared of spiders. I learned to be scared of them from my mum and made myself un-learn before I had kids. As a result none of us are scared of them 🙂 Go, me!

    • Sonya Cisco
      August 15, 2013 / 7:50 am

      Living in the country for 6 years improved me, I can now handle small spiders, and daddy longlegs- but them big hairy bastard house spiders still scare the shite out of me!

  7. August 14, 2013 / 3:05 pm

    I also have a Paul Merton crush!! And I also feel the same about all your choices… Spider fears suck because they are illogical and make you feel silly, but at the same time it’s a hard thing to overcome. David Cameron, well I think you’ve said it all. And money… You say bartering may not work but I found something similar: http://www.timebanking.org/ there are places all over the UK where you can “bank” your time instead of money, it’s a great idea but unfortunately there isn’t a place near me yet 🙁

    • Sonya Cisco
      August 15, 2013 / 7:51 am

      I think its the clever/funny combo, gets me every time. Its that or drummers where I am concerned!! I love the timebanking idea- total genius!

  8. Older Mum
    August 16, 2013 / 9:42 am

    ….and why can’t someone just put a brown paper bag over his head (and cut out two holes for eyes). And I don’t like spiders either, especially those ones with very long legs! X.

    • Sonya Cisco
      August 16, 2013 / 7:29 pm

      Yes, I will pay someone to pop a bag over his head.they will need a big bag…. X

  9. Kate @craftsonsea
    August 16, 2013 / 7:09 pm

    Seriously, you put Dave Cameron in there and not George Osbourne?? I mean I understand your views on Dave but have you seen George’s face? I feel like I’m going to get done for some kind of thought crime everytime I look at it…

    • Sonya Cisco
      August 16, 2013 / 7:28 pm

      You are quite right about Georgie boy, but it is Cameron’s face that pops up unexpectedly at non-governmental events with regularity – it’s the lack of warning if his appearance that bugs me most!,

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