How to Fail At Halloween

Posted by on Oct 31, 2013 in Humour | 12 comments

Are you all ready for Halloween? Of course you are, you are all fabulous organised parents who are putting the final touches to your spider cupcakes while you read this. Me- yeah, I got it covered…..

How To Fail At Halloween

1) Forget to buy a pumpkin. The only three left in your supermarket have big squashy holes that smell bad. Drive to every shop in a ten mile radius, find one in a corner shop. Pay excessive amount for it.

2) Carve a pumpkin so badly your kids are ashamed to put it in the window. The insult is all the harder to bear because you almost needed stitches as a result of bad knifemanship. And the entire house smells of burnt pumpkin seeds, because you tried to make a nutritious snack but forgot they were in the oven until the smoke alarm went off.

3) Forget to sort out costumes. So while all the neighbours kids have smart off the peg costumes, one of yours is dressed as Action Man, even though they don’t remember who Action Man is and wanted to be a Moshi Monster. Their costume consists of their own vaguely khaki clothes and mud on their face from the garden. The other is dressed as a Mummy by being wrapped in loo roll. ‘But I look nothing like you,’ they whimper.

4) Forget to buy sweets for trick or treaters. When the lunchbox treats run out, you are forced to offer tins of kidney beans from the stockpile you bought in case of emergencies, and when they get rejected you have to give them cash. You offer 50p, but when that gets sneered at you up it to a pound. Then all the other kids on the street hear you are giving out cash and come back to try and exchange their 2 finger kit-kat, forcing you to turn all the lights out and pretend you have gone to bed. It is half past 6.

5) Fondly remember your own innocent hallowe’ens – no trick or treating, just an apple in a washing up bowl of cold water which your face was dunked into for too long by the tough kids at Brownies.

6) Get kids into bed, sob into your glass of wine that you have ruined the ‘magic’ of Halloween for them, vow to do better for Bonfire Night. You will probably forget, but it is the thought that counts right?!

7) Spend half the night consoling 5 year old who is having nightmares as a result of neighbours rather too convincing Zombie outfit. Get revenge by tipsily using the loo roll from the Mummy costume to decorate his car.

Happy Halloween Y’All, I am sure yours will be far better than mine usually are!

Love Miss Cisco XXX

12 Comments

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  1. The Brick Castle

    I once completely forgot to get anything for Trick Or Treaters and everyone who visited went away with an apple until I ran out and resorted to Chocolate Digestives…
    The Brownies thing is so true too….

  2. Christine Dixon

    Our door is on the side so we miss most of them, but we also tend to switch the lights off. Also I’m slightly scared of the 6ft lummox’s in bin bags with the vocal register of Barry White who do find their way to our door…best to feign death IMO.

    • Sonya Cisco

      Not only is feigning death a great plan, it is also in keeping with the spirit of the event, thus not making you a Halloween Humbug, but rather a Halloween Winner!

  3. SarahMummy

    Whoops! Love this. We have costumes and a pumpkin, but certainly no spider cupcakes! May go and buy more Haribo/ fun size Mars bars now you’ve reminded me to avoid resorting to cash!

  4. Kath Bee

    I had to use superglue to fix my pumpkin. I’m very bad at it!

  5. Older Mum

    Ha ha ha ha…… I remember bobbin apples very well, that was it, that was Halloween of the 70′s & 80′s. I forgot to buy a pumpkin too! X

  6. Looking for Blue Sky

    I left the pumpkin in the cupboard, turned off all the lights at the front of the house so we only got 2 callers, and so there were lots of ‘celebrations’ enjoyed by all of us later :) Lovely stress-free Halloween!

  7. Tas D

    Hahahaaa ohhh this made me laugh. Have you noticed how Halloween brings out these amazing carvers out of the woodwork? Do they practice all year or something? I’ve never carved one but if it did its probably look like cyclops because I’d give up after one eye (and probably need a trip to A&E)

  8. Sim @ Sims Life

    Totally been there – luckily I didn’t have to decorate at all this year and totally missed out on the Trick or Treating :) x

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