Things I Can’t Be Arsed To Do
This is not a definitive list of activities I am too apathetic to get involved with, in fact I completely reserve the right to contradict myself utterly by doing one/all of these things before my inevitable demise.
1) Watch Breaking Bad/Downton. If like me you have a twitter addiction, you cannot escape the impact these shows obviously have on people. I have never seen either of them. Downton just doesn’t appeal, and finding time to watch 5 series of Breaking Bad so I can have a two year late finale related epiphany sounds like hard work. I might read the Wiki synopsis one day, just so I can join in conversations about it….
2) Climb high things/row long and tropical rivers/adventures in jungles. I am not built for adventures involving exercise. I am built for watching other people’s exotic journeys from the comfort of my own sofa. There are far too many bugs on many of these excursions, or not enough oxygen. Poisonous things, and lack of air to breathe make me think a place is not suitable for humans, especially this human. My adventures are more of the cocktail/new band/what happened last night?!? kind and that is enough for me.
3) Read War and Peace, despite being named after a character in it. This may well be because I looked the Sonya in question up on wikepedia once, and she sounds like a right loser, or it may just be because it is a big book, all full of long words and misery, and I don’t really think I care enough to devote the time to it. Also on the list of books I cannot be arsed to read is the Stieg Larsson Girl with etc trilogy. When I was working in a book shop, customers raved about them all day. And the more they raved, the more I felt it couldn’t possibly live up to the hype, and that the endless praise was turning me right off the idea. So I read a nice book about cheese instead, and have continued avoiding them ever since.
4) Twerk. I am a Twerk free zone. Ditto for laying down some Gangnam Style moves. Or even cracking out a bit of the old Whigfield Saturday Night routine. I am not completely adverse to the idea of Oops Upside Your Head-ing it, mostly because that happens sitting down. Now don’t get me wrong, I like a bit of a boogie, especially after a few booze drinks, but generally speaking I am more of a foot tapper, and when driven to move more than that, I opt for a free style move part way between Goth swirly hands and shoe gazer foot examining. The only dance routine you will ever see me attempt is the Prince Charming hands above your head thingum. Because if you are my age there is a law that insists you must.
5) Learn to crochet. Or knit. Or anything that involves knotting of thread in some way. I can barely manage a shoe lace. Now don’t get me wrong, I am an admirer of said crafts, and could be seen coveting some crocheted bunting as recently as yesterday, but I simply cannot be bothered to attempt to figure out how to do it, it would only result in me wrapping myself up in wool like a dyslexic spider.
6) Housework. Hence writing this blog post as a displacement activity. *listens to the sound of mould growing in the kitchen*