Just An Inbetweener

I have moments of feeling a little unsettled of late. I feel a little in-between.

 

inbetween

 

We are still house hunting, so my flat is my home, but for how long? Should I replace the wonky bookshelf or wait until we move because the new house might require different things? Or should we even move? It is proving harder than we thought. The budget we set is upping itself as we realise that we cannot get the sort of house we need for five of us for the sort of rent we had hoped. And properties are scarce, one a fortnight if we are lucky. The interest is huge in each house and even if one felt right for us there is no guarantee you will get it. It looks like a house with a garden is going to set us back about £300 a month more than we are currently paying. That is £3600 a year all so we can have a garden for the kids. £3600 a year would pay for a lot of days out, and will make our current breathing space endowed budget a tighter, wheezier squeeze. So I am in-between, stay or go?!

I am old. I am young. I am in-between. I tried to buy clothes for summer this week. At 40 I finally feel too old for New Look et al- or maybe I jut don’t like this years fashions. But where are you supposed to go as an inbetweener? I am not ready for granny shops. Not only am I in-between in age, too old for New Look, too young to dress like an old lady, I am in-between in size. A 14-16, I am neither huge nor tiny. Too big for a body con, too small for a MuMu. I couldn’t even find any shoes I liked.

I am in-between parenting. I have one of the verge of leaving home, one hanging off my apron strings, and then my ten year old, my fellow sailor in the boat of in-between-ness. I am nearly done with one, she is 18 in 11 short weeks. In a little under 3 months I will have raised an adult. Well sort of. Of course she will be an in-between adult, needing to stretch her wings away from the homestead to totally achieve that status. Then my youngest is not yet three, so many years ahead with him by my side. It is my fellow inbetweener I feel a little sorry for. He is unintentionally often bottom of the pile, with neither the hands on demanding of a small chap or the emotional demands of a teenager. He is lovely and just gets on with what he is doing, and for that reason often gets the least attention. I always intend to address it, but then life gets in the way, so I make sure we get a trip out on our own every few weeks.

I am in-between careers. Pfft. Scratch that, I never really had a career, messing about in bands was good enough for me for a long time. But I am not in a band any more, and who knows when circumstance may send something that grabs my musical horns my way. Syd starts school in 15 months. Shall I go back to work then? Circumstance will probably dictate I need to. But to do what? Part of me hopes this here blog will be enough to keep the wolf from the door. Maybe education? Should I finally aim for that degree? If I do it will be the slowly, slowly approach afforded by the Open University. I will neither have the time nor the money to commit to a full-time degree. Student loans are scary enough at 20 let alone in your 40s without a pension plan in sight.

 

Couldn’t resist including this.

 

I feel in-between stages of life in many ways, but I do feel secure in my home life. My family is my most precious thing and I feel loved and special in my own home – and that is what gives me the solid base to explore new homes and new career plans. Won’t help much with the clothes shopping though! I think being in-between is a good place, lots of possibilities and choices to explore, I just need to get a little bit better at decision-making – if only the forks in the road were more clearly sign-posted!

Love Miss Cisco XXX

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17 Comments

  1. May 27, 2014 / 9:21 am

    aw I worked on that record, selling it into record shops back in the day 🙂 Happy times!

    If it’s any consolation I’m stuck in an in between kind of place, we’ve a good location for school but if we wanted to move we wouldn’t get anywhere near here at all. Which isn’t quite the same… or having a job which is enjoyable sometimes, but not leaving because it’s great for school hours… kind of similar, but from the other side.

    You should do the OU thingo. You’d be good at that! x
    jo recently posted…Films.My Profile

  2. May 27, 2014 / 12:01 pm

    Fantastic post. It is a funny time of life and even more so for you with the huge age range in your kids and the thoughts of moving house. For me, moving house and giving up traditional work, as well as trying to finally sort my acne are all part of being 40 and in-between.
    Sarah MumofThree World recently posted…‘Can I have Facebook?’My Profile

  3. May 27, 2014 / 1:14 pm

    I hear you. It is so hard isnt it when so much is up in the air. Fingers crossed you get to go down one of the paths off that fork in the road sometime soon so that things can be a bit more settled for you
    Mummy Barrow recently posted…Harry Potter #WandWeekMy Profile

  4. May 27, 2014 / 2:52 pm

    I feel your pain with the clothes thing, and really hope that you find somewhere you want to live soon. I often feel a bit fatalistic about house-buying. If you miss out on one there must be a better one around the corner kinda thing. Hope so anyway x
    Mum of One recently posted…Confessions of a Scootaholic (Y-Glider Review)My Profile

  5. May 27, 2014 / 5:34 pm

    Wonderful post and it really struck a chord with me…. sorry to hear that house hunting has turned into a bit of a battle, that’s pants, but really happy that you feel so secure in your family life, that’s the most important thing and from there you can explore so many new directions. X
    older mum in a muddle recently posted…The Butterfly GirlMy Profile

  6. May 27, 2014 / 7:59 pm

    Oh yes I know that I between feeling room. I am like that at the moment like a boat that has lost it’s mooring. Maybe it is that having an adult child that is making us feel funny. I don’t know no the career thing too I am so with you.
    Nikki Thomas recently posted…Sorry!My Profile

    • May 28, 2014 / 7:57 am

      Glad it isn’t just me, I wonder if it is the grown up kid thing, I kind of thought we would be more immune having such littluns at home- maybe it’s the combo of oldest leaving soon and youngest starting school soon that is doing it!

  7. May 28, 2014 / 2:26 am

    Sleeper!

    This is such a good post, I found myself nodding along all the way through. I’m ten years younger, and I feel like an in-betweener too I’m afraid, so it’s not just about how many birthdays you’ve had, it’s definitely a state of mind. It’s lovely to hear that your family life is so stable and sorted and happy though – let that be the rock on which you build everything else xx
    Ruth recently posted…There is going to be a weddingMy Profile

    • May 28, 2014 / 7:58 am

      A relief to find it isn’t just me who feels like this sometimes! Maybe we just think too much! X

  8. May 28, 2014 / 8:15 am

    Was having this same conversation with a friend just about to turn 40 so your post made me laugh, especially the comments on New Look, where I recently spent an hour trying and failing to find something to spend a birthday gift certificate on. You are definitely not alone as an in-betweener.
    EmmaK recently posted…Beamish: Travelling Back in TimeMy Profile

  9. May 28, 2014 / 8:34 am

    I feel a little the same, trying to find my position in life all over again. Eldest due to leave home for Uni and youngest just about to leave primary school, exciting but scary times ahead. At least your family is your base, and a good one at that.
    Jay recently posted…Ten Random ThingsMy Profile

  10. May 28, 2014 / 10:43 am

    I think so many of us feel this way a lot of the time. As a full time career-ladder person, a job gives you a sense of purpose that actually is a cover. Real life is what you do in your home, with your family. And WAHM/SAHM’s are always in flux, pulling in bits of income here and there, never on a stable path. But family is always in flux – it’s learning to cope with and embrace that that is the challenge and the joy, I think. It’s so hard. I think you’re doing an amazing job though x
    Actually Mummy… recently posted…Easy Family Food: Versatile Pizza TartMy Profile

  11. May 28, 2014 / 4:43 pm

    I study with the Open University, it’s definitely a very good option, though rather more time consuming than I would like 🙂

    It’s lovely you have so many options, don’t rush the decision making. xxx

  12. Nortonmum
    May 28, 2014 / 7:47 pm

    A stable family life is a good base for everything else, but In 10 years time the clothes issue will still be the same, I KNOW.
    Nortonmum recently posted…Escape. speakeasy#163My Profile

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