I had to sit through two hours of the interminable green table of boredom last night. Yup. The other half had the snooker on. In his defence there was little else on the tellybox, although we do have an episode of Sherlock lurking in the wings. One we have seen before, but given the choice between a repeat of genius or some balls being knocked about on green felt, I know what I would prefer.
There were small moments of entertainment, I am puerile enough to snigger whenever the whispering commentator says ‘screws’ and there was a briefly diverting moment when the referee evicted someone from the crowd for shouting. Hardly enough to warrant sitting through one hundred and twenty minutes plus of it though.
Apparently there is more of it on today – why haven’t they finished yet? Why do the dullest sports to watch last so long? I like football, ninety minutes and job done. Long enough for my warped by the internet attention span. I love footie, but I even start to drift if that goes to extra time. Cricket lasts for days…..how can anyone keep up their interest for days?!
The only positive thing about the snooker being on is it is timeless. My parents watched the snooker when I was small, I was just as baffled by it’s lack of excitement then, but there is something oddly comforting about the tiny clunk sound of the balls knocking together. A vague nostalgia for Sunday afternoons and toasted crumpets, a peace that even then was punctuated by my moaning about the snooker being boring – nothing changes.
Some times I despair at the telly, for all the channels there is often nothing on of interest. In another attempt to turn into my parents we found ourselves watching ‘A Question of Sport’ the other night. No Bill Beaumont and Emlyn Hughes these days, but still recognisably the same programme. I don’t know most of the answers, I haven’t even heard of most of the answers, yet still we watched.
‘Why don’t you switch off your TV set and go out and do something less boring instead?’ I hear you ask, or possibly sing if you, like me, are from the ‘Why don’t you?’ generation. (Possibly the only TV show ever whose theme tune suggested you didn’t watch it…..but still we did watch it). So why don’t I take the advice of the TV theme tunes of my youth? Because I am a parent, that is why. I can’t just drop everything and go to a
gallery opening pub. After the battle of bedtime all I have the energy left to do is stare vacantly at a flickering box of shite masquerading as entertainment. And some of it is entertaining. Most of it not.
We do do other things too – I read until the point my eyes can’t focus. Am starting to expect a future in varifocals lurks just around the corner, serving to further confirm my decline into middle age. I should get my guitar out and make some
loud quiet enough not to wake the kids noise. We talk a lot of blither to each other, many a blog post started out as a late evening conversation between me and the other half, perhaps I should give him a co-writing credit? A combination of small quantities of alcohol and tiredness can lead to the most marvellously random topics, students with a spliff are mere amateurs at tangential conversation compared to sleep deprived parents who have sniffed a glass of wine.
I just wish there weren’t so many evenings spent desperately scrolling through iPlayer for a hint of something more inspirational to watch. Doesn’t even have to be inspirational – funny will do, or moderately diverting. Maybe I should cultivate an interest in soap operas? The BBC are desperately trying to make Eastenders appear like a tempting scandi-crime in that endlessly repeated trailer at the moment, but all it makes me want to do is grab the hammer and kill that bloomin’ spider that meanders across my screen several times a day. I have decided to dig out the scrabble board, all those hours of watching Countdown must surely mean I should be awesome at it by now.
What do you watch?
Love Miss Cisco XXX
And while we are on the subject of things not being as entertaining as you would like them to be, I am shortlisted in the Laugh category in the BiB awards, if I have occasionally made you smile with my moaning and sarcasm then I would love a vote here!