S**t at Housework

I am terrible at housework. I am part slattern, part sloth – I am a Slothern, given to sitting with my nose in a book in an untidy room, oblivious to my surroundings. I hate housework, and not only do I hate it, it is a waste of time because it just doesn’t stay done. I would clean my house properly, but then I would have to have it hermetically sealed so nobody could make a mess of it ever again. Which would see us sleeping on the streets, so not really a cunning plan.

housework-wont-kill-you

Someone once asked me if I have a ‘High Dusting Routine’. “No,” I replied “I stopped dabbling in drugs when I had kids, though I can imagine it makes dusting more interesting.” Turns out they meant do I have a set day for dusting the high bits of the room – on top of stuff and in the corners of the ceiling. Well, duh, why would you dust on top of stuff? Who cares about the top of stuff? I can barely be bothered to wave a cloth over the stuff I can see, only doing that when we can’t see the picture on the telly through the murk.

I know I am bad at this stuff because the only pets my three year old has are the two dead flies in the corner of the landing. He says hello to them on the way up and down the stairs and at this point removing their mummified forms would cause him much upset, so they can stay indefinitely.

I do wash up, but I do it while I am cooking – so as fast as I clean up the remains of lunch, I am simultaneously dirtying things with the prep for dinner. I don’t mind clothes washing, but I don’t do all that sorting of colours nonsense. We have learnt not to buy white things, for they will soon be grey.

As for ironing, I think we own an iron but am hard pushed to lay my hands on the blighter when a wedding or somesuch means I can’t just turn up artfully crumpled. We don’t have an ironing board, it’s just a table with a cover on it right?! Thank goodness for non-iron school uniforms and the powers of a good shake of a damp article before drying. The putting away of clean things takes an age though, especially when ably assisted by a three year old whose sole aim is to undo the segregated piles of belongings as fast as I can build them.

For general carpet cleanliness we have a Henry vacuum thingum. He is always cheerful looking despite being utterly neglected. I pat him affectionately on the head when in the bathroom, which doubles as his bedroom. The toddler detests the sound of the hoover, and it can only be done by first kitting him out in those headphones designed for kids at rock concerts, and even then he has to be in the right frame of mind – so much easier to wait until the weekend when someone (usually me) can take him out while someone else (usually t’bloke) does the hoovering. Mostly I use the hoover for sucking up spiders, as the end of Henry’s long arm is as close as I am prepared to get to the eight legged beasties. I have heard rumours this is not fatal though and that they crawl back down the pipe again sometime later – this alone is enough reason for me to avoid using it too frequently.

Sometimes people more interested in cleanliness than I pass on great tips for cleaning, with homemade mixtures of lemon, baking powder and vinegar. Well, I often have those things in the house, but for more important uses like G&Ts, cake making and chips – can’t be wasting that sort of precious resource on having non-smeary windows.

I am full of good intentions, but lacking in following them through. I am great at the occasional blitz, discarding all manners of items into vast bin bags to be taken to the dump and never seen again. I always imagine that my untidiness would be resolved if only I had the right storage, and will spend time, that would be better spent putting things back where they belong, browsing furniture stores for the perfect bookshelves and coffee tables that double up as toy trunks. Mostly I wish they would find a way of utilising black holes for invisible storage, so that at the end of the day you can chuck all the plastic kid crap into an unseen vortex in the corner of the room, then retrieve it via the means of ropes and pulleys in the morning.

Thankfully, from time to time, we arrange for people to come visit us – family, friends, leasing agents on their intermittent inspections – and this finally forces the occasional thorough cleaning spree. My slovenliness annoys me sometimes, mostly though I accept that I am just not that way inclined. Our house isn’t germ ridden or smelly, it is just cluttered and lived in and loved. Shabby chic or scruffy chick – similar no?

 

Love Miss Cisco XXX

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23 Comments

  1. Diane Wood
    September 26, 2014 / 9:36 am

    At last, someone worse than me at doing housework!

  2. Shiv Ferguson
    September 26, 2014 / 9:36 am

    Ha ha great blog! Bloody hate housework. My dog pees on the bed if the vacuum goes on. That is as good a reason not to do it if I know any.

    • September 26, 2014 / 4:49 pm

      Totally – just making more work for yourself otherwise!

  3. September 26, 2014 / 1:36 pm

    A “high dusting routine”? What a strange question. Although it is me who dusts and removes all the cobwebs from the high areas because my wife is so short.
    John Adams recently posted…Strange housework habitsMy Profile

    • September 26, 2014 / 4:48 pm

      Yup, a very weird question in a housework discussion at possibly the worlds dullest mother and baby group – never went back to that one!

  4. September 26, 2014 / 7:43 pm

    This sounds totally like me! I wish I were more inclined because it does bug me when I’m walking round the house and seeing the carpets needing a hoover and the dust needing wiping but I just never seem to get round to it!
    Shell Louise recently posted…52 weeks of gratitude – Week 7 – I think!My Profile

  5. September 26, 2014 / 8:53 pm

    I used to be on top of the housework and keen a pristine house. Gradually though I have become less and less inclined to care. I keen on top in short sharp blasts but am by no means thorough (I do high dust a few times a year though) 😉
    Louisa recently posted…DirectionMy Profile

  6. September 26, 2014 / 8:58 pm

    I am terrible too! I hate cleaning and cooking, well it all really. We put all our colours in together and don’t iron anything! x
    You Baby Me Mummy recently posted…The List #4My Profile

  7. September 26, 2014 / 10:30 pm

    lol – wish I could somehow drop my OCD side and pretend to be rubbish at housework. It’s *exhausting* though, I’m sure I see the world through a different spectrum and view all the little dirty/scruffy bits which shout at me all day long….
    Kate Thompson recently posted…5 Popular Myths About Special NeedsMy Profile

  8. September 26, 2014 / 11:14 pm

    I’m a naturally tidy person but since I share my house with three untidy people it will now forever be untidy!
    nessjibberjabberuk recently posted…Slow cooker gingerbreadMy Profile

  9. Nikki Hayes
    September 27, 2014 / 12:14 am

    High dusting routine? Yeah right, lol, if I can’t see the top of cupboards then it goes without saying that dust does not exist up there. I poke the corners of the room with a long duster occasionally if I spot any cobwebs. Our flat is a tip *shrugs*, I don’t like cleaning and hubby is worse 😀

  10. September 28, 2014 / 8:00 am

    Love this! We have a lot in common! I do try to clean approximately once a week, but only the most basic of jobs – no dusting of any sort, least of all ‘high dusting’ (who even knew that was a thing?). But I do struggle with the fact that I really, really hate cleaning!
    Sarah MumofThree World recently posted…Silent Sunday 28.9.14My Profile

  11. September 28, 2014 / 11:07 am

    I’m always full of good intentions and like you, would happily clean the house thoroughly if it would stay that way for more than an hour. The thing with cleaning is that it’s so BORING! I tend to tackle it with my iPod and dance all over the house with the hoover in the vague hope that I’m also buring a few calories. Last week I cleaned half the cooker before boredom set in and I wandered off in search of something more interesting! It hasn’t been cleaned for a year!! Loving the word “Slothern,” might have to adopt it!
    Izzie Anderton recently posted…Review: Silk-Filled Duvet from Silk Bedding DirectMy Profile

  12. September 28, 2014 / 6:51 pm

    I HATE housework with a passion, much to hubby’s endless frustration. Sadly I do know where the iron and ironing board are as hubby needs to look respectable for work
    Kara recently posted…A day out at Farmer PalmersMy Profile

  13. September 29, 2014 / 6:18 pm

    I loved this post…. I hate the housework too, will do the minimum if I have to. I try to do it once a week but it’s more like every fortnight to three weeks (so glad the husband doesn’t notice). And I detest ironing: I am no good at it. I get Morrisons to wash and iron my husbands shirts!
    older mum in a muddle recently posted…#One Week – Summer ’14 – A New RhythmMy Profile

  14. September 29, 2014 / 8:15 pm

    Hehe I could’ve written this post! I love that saying that goes something like ‘more housework gets done in the 10 minutes before guests arrive than at any other time’ ha this is so me!! I love it when I read a post like this! Can’t stand neat, tidy and clean mums making me feel inadequate – bore off lol x
    Carolynne @ Mummy Endeavours recently posted…Tree Top Climbing at Go Ape with NEW Vimto Squeezy DrinksMy Profile

  15. September 30, 2014 / 2:18 pm

    Love this! The only time we EVER do a proper clean is when we have guests coming to stay overnight – otherwise it is kept to a minimum, downstairs loo, kitchen and sitting room only! I do struggle to sit in an untidy mess and relax though. If you can do it, please tell me how!
    suzanne3childrenandit recently posted…Review: Going Retro With SodaStream PlayMy Profile

  16. October 1, 2014 / 11:26 pm

    I believe having visitors is vital to keeping a house clean, particularly as we have some who cycle here so need to use our shower requiring us to clean upstairs as well. I’m also not good at cleaning and I blame my mother as she never did any as she hired a cleaner so I never learnt. I’ve got better, but need triggers to remind me I should do a task and I never use an iron.
    Kate Davis recently posted…I didn’t get out of bed for ages – Wisdom from 1989My Profile

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