…of, but not limited to, the following reasons…
- I hate wrapping. I bought some presents and some wrapping paper but I have no desire to combine the two in a way that is pleasing to the eye. Can I just hand the two things over together and get the receiver to wrap their own gift like it’s some kind of party game?
- Glitter. I have a toddler. He does like a craft and is particularly fond of a sparkly craft since pre-school introduced him to glitter. It is everywhere. Despite several hooverings it is coating our house. I always have at least 5 bits on my face. I resemble an entrant in the ‘dress your grumpy mum like a dowdy David Bowie’ contest. And yesterday I found a bit in my pubes. Festive fanny is not a look I was planning on.
- Cards. I am fine with not writing Christmas Cards – it is better for the environment and it avoids getting nasty cramp in my hand as all my writing muscles have long since withered due to the advent of the typing on computers thing. But then a trickle of them start to arrive through the letter box from friends that are far nicer and far more organised than me, causing guilt to set in and a hurried dash to catch last posting day so I don’t look like an utter scrooge bastard for not returning their festive cheer.
- School shit. I love a Nativity as much as the next overly hormonal pre-menopausal woman – tissues at the ready for all that. But the endless discos, tea towel purchasing, fairs and spangly jumper days get on my wick. One day I am just going to march up to the office with my purse held open, give them my card and pin number and tell them to help themselves. It’s less painful than attending a Christmas Fair, and far less painful than having to bake something to contribute.
- Buying things I hate for people I love. And I am mostly looking at the teenager here…..Zoella’s book, albums by dreadful people purporting to be musicians, crap with pugs on?! Why can’t you ask for something nice….. 😉
Oh bah bleedin’ humbug huh! You know what tho, that moaning aside I bloody love Christmas, I have my flamingo lights and glitters skulls out, a bevy of Elvis Christmas albums on stand-by, and can’t wait to crack open the baileys for the traditional wrapping panic drinking game on Xmas Eve….bring it all on….except the glittery pubes…
Love Miss Cisco XXX