It’s My Funeral

I loved the Costa coffin that coffee lover Karen Lloyd ย was buried in last week. Who wouldn’t want a bit of personality, even a laugh, added to their own funeral? When we buried my Grandad Jack recently, we added a giant Jack of Hearts card to the flowers on top. It seemed fitting, and appropriate, and personal for a man whose big love was card games.

But what would I have? Well, I saw this guitar coffinย – of course it would have to be a 4 stringed version for me…. Or maybe a white coffin, covered in gem stones like a Vegas Elvis jumpsuit. I love the beautiful Mexican Day of the Dead art – skulls and flowers, but would that would be a bit too morbid for those in attendance?

guitcof

I like the idea of the cardboard coffins, but being a bit weighty, and living in a rainy country, I wouldn’t like my soggy bottom to make an undignified entrance through it’s soggy bottom.

A nice Vampirical old-fashioned coffin would be cool, with a touch of the Hammer Horrors. But can you put some biscuits in it? And fairy lights, not mad keen on pitch black – I just bought some nice pink flamingo ones – that would add a nice kitsch touch wouldn’t it.

And my phone. Pop that in. In days of old, particularly paranoid people would have a bell put in theirs, in case they were buried alive. If that happens to me I want to be able to tweet for help. #buriedalive #help.

Although I am not sure I want to be buried. The thought of all those bugs horrifies me a bit, but on the other hand I don’t mind being tree food. So if you don’t burn me, bury me in a forest. Or at sea, I like the water. Or in a vat of bourbon. Yes, pickle me in booze, I should like that very much.

Transport? Well, I am not sure about all the plumed horses, I quite like a Hillman Super Minx, but you would have to get me squashed into a rather odd shaped coffin, with my knees under my chin, to fit me in one of those. A nice vintage hearse, a bit battered, would be very cool. And if it can be driven by Goth undertakers, all the better. They should of course have fangs.

One like this please...

One like this please…

Readings? I’d quite like someone funny to do the Eddie Izzard ‘Cake or Death?’ sketch. ‘Well, I meant cake.’

Music. Oh yes, lots of that please. I don’t know what though, I love too much of it. Green Day ‘Ha Ha You’re Dead’ would be a good one. Or something by The Damned – Curtain Call or I Just Can’t Be Happy Today. Actually you should have a big disco party afterwards with my iPod on shuffle. That should annoy pretty much everybody at some point….

In all honesty, do what you like, I am not there, do what makes you feel better. Chuck me in a skip behind Tescos if you like, then have a pint and laugh at all the daft things I have done in my life.

What would you have at your funeral?

Love Miss Cisco XXX

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31 Comments

  1. February 19, 2014 / 10:13 am

    Oooh that makes you think doesn’t it? Love the Jack of Hearts touch for your Grandad, that’s so lovely! My Mum has asked for a wicker coffin one day, which I like the sound of. If they could include a bottle of champers in that for me too, and a glass it would be like being buried in a big picnic basket really wouldn’t it? ๐Ÿ˜€
    Emma recently posted…NineMy Profile

  2. February 19, 2014 / 10:17 am

    there were some great coffins at the Devon County Show last year – Rachel and I got some photos of it, very quirky ones! I wish I could remember the company that had them on display now…

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  4. February 19, 2014 / 12:20 pm

    this cracked me up! I love the tweet for help bit ๐Ÿ˜‰ x
    Keri-Anne recently posted…Living arrowsMy Profile

  5. February 19, 2014 / 12:23 pm

    I saw the article on the COSTA coffin and it was a nice tribute to her. Definitely makes you think about what you would have. I agree with Donna, it’s something we try not to consider unless we really have to face it.
    MrsShilts recently posted…Why I’d never leave a baby alone with a dog…My Profile

  6. February 19, 2014 / 2:09 pm

    It is an interesting idea of whether a funeral is for the person departed or for those left behind. I went to a funeral last year that was not all that the deceased would have wanted but it was what those left behind had chosen and it made them feel better. Sometimes having a steer or ideas from someone who has gone can be a guide but I think you are right that often people do what makes them feel better but I don’t think that will mean chucking you in skip behind Tesco!
    Kirsty recently posted…Alfie Weather by Shirley HughesMy Profile

  7. anna
    February 19, 2014 / 2:40 pm

    I have to admit the novelty ones are not for me! I rather keep the novelty items for life not death. As I’m Muslim I just want a traditional islamic burial and that’s all – nothing anything different. I will admit I don’t like to think of it too much! There are a lot of things I want to see and do in life first, hopefully
    anna recently posted…Our Zack & Quack PartyMy Profile

  8. February 19, 2014 / 7:02 pm

    Ha ha this made me laugh ๐Ÿ˜‰

    My brother wanted a cardboard coffin but when it came to it, we couldn’t bear the thought of it – it just doesn’t seem right. I don’t know what sort I’d pick but I def don’t want to be buried. x x
    Cass@frugalfamily recently posted…Carrot and Courgette Muffins….My Profile

  9. February 19, 2014 / 7:08 pm

    Great post Sonya but gosh I have absolutely no idea. I can’t even decide on how and where – should think about that one really. There should definitely be good music – with guitars naturally – and be a celebration (of sorts!) with lots of booze ๐Ÿ™‚
    Charly Dove recently posted…Haba Doctorโ€™s SuitcaseMy Profile

  10. February 19, 2014 / 7:59 pm

    This was so funny, especially the fairy lights. All made me chuckle. I think I’m going to give my pasty body to science.
    Sam @happyhomebird recently posted…A treasure troveMy Profile

  11. February 19, 2014 / 10:18 pm

    Kitty knows after numerous walks round cemetaries , which always leads to ‘when we die’ question and answer sessions that ‘Mummy you want to be burnt in an oven when you die but I want to be put in the ground to play with the worms’.
    I like her matter-of-fact thinking !
    Mammasaurus recently posted…1960s Knitting Patterns – imagesMy Profile

  12. February 20, 2014 / 12:46 am

    I’m so having an X-wing fighter from Star Wars with perspex lid so it looks like I’m flying in the cockpit hahahah! I’m then being cremated and my ashes put in a Tardis Urn which is awesome and I so nearly picked it for Mum!
    Lynn Fancy recently posted…Silent Sunday 16/02/14My Profile

  13. February 20, 2014 / 9:22 pm

    Sonya, love your blogs. I’d have to be buried in coffin shaped like a giant pair of red heels – if I haven’t bankrupted my family by buying too many in the first place…
    Wondered if you’d like to do something for our new site The Daily Juggle.
    We’re puting together an art campaign on ‘real motherhood’. Best, Jules

  14. Style me Sunday
    February 24, 2014 / 7:53 pm

    Good idea, you’ve given your loved ones loads of material so they will be happy in the knowledge that you’d be happy with whatever they do. I would like lots of crying and wailing then I’d be happy!

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