Sleepovers – The Next Generation

I am pretty experienced at the whole hosting sleepovers lark. Providing midnight feasts (well, half past eight treats) and vetting appropriate movies, all the way through to ones involving alcohol and possible vomiting now the daughter is eighteen. But this weekend sees a whole new brand of sleepover.

The boyfriend sleepover.

5221492383_cf97d59ba5_zCredit: darcyadelaide

In theory I am fine with this. She is eighteen. They have been dating almost a year. He is nice. She is sensible.

He is welcome to stay here, but in that way that as far as I am concerned my parents never have sex, neither does she.

As an abstract idea it is fine. I can talk to her about contraception and even new fancy pants, but I have to admit to feeling a little un-nerved about being in the room next door.

I think you have several ways of dealing with this as a parent :-

a) You can come over all puritanical, put him in a different bedroom and instigate a doors open, one foot on the floor at all times policy. (Which one of my friends Dad did when she was young. She had sex in a bus stop. No one should have to have sex in the vicinity of passers-by and McDonalds wrappers – unless that’s what does it for you, it takes all sorts!)

b) You can go completely the other way and provide a welcome basket of treats from Anne Summers and offer advice on positions.  (But not being a kaftan wearing tantric fan this isn’t very me, plus I should imagine it has every chance of putting them off sex for life, and while I may be feeling slightly uncomfortable I don’t want that!)

c) You get all Phil Mitchell on his ass – pin him against the wall and mutter something like ‘You lay one of your grubby little fingers on my baby girl under my roof and you will be walking sideways into next Tuesday.’ (I think if I tried this the effect would be comical rather than menacing, what with my Guardian reading, slightly posh Dorset accent)

d) You just carry on as normal. You embarrass her with childhood stories, then pack yourselves off to bed early and make sure you leave the telly on in your room, loudly, so you don’t accidentally hear anything.

Obviously I am going for D. I have no abstract issue with her being sexually active. She is an adult, it is perfectly natural, we all do it. (Except my parents obvs, and even they do and I am glad they are happy together after 50 years, but you know – ugh!). I am going with the act as if it is normal for a boy to be sleeping in her room (which it is really, she has a gay BF who sleeps over regularly), and soon it will feel normal – I just need to get this first time over and stop being so prudish about it!

Have you been here? Did you manage to cope without feeling slightly odd about it?

Love Miss Cisco XXX



  1. October 23, 2014 / 9:51 am

    It was very weird the first time! But I’m not sure who was the most nervous us – or him! Also cos his parent completely disapprove (egregious beliefs) it kinda sparked the old rebel in me, which is always a good thing at my age!
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  2. October 23, 2014 / 10:03 am

    I have boys, and when the eldest brought his g/f home for the first weekend they were in separate rooms as they hadn’t been together very long. Our rules where (and always have been) it had to be a committed relationship not a one night stand. She was happy with that.
    The next time she visited it was Christmas, and they were in the same room. What is weird is when as parents you go to stay in their house!!!
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  3. October 23, 2014 / 11:47 am

    Eeee. I’m not sure how I would handle it. My uncle recently told us how my cousin asked if his girlfriend could stay, in his bedroom for the first time and called her parents to check it was OK with them. I really am not looking forward to this age although I don’t suppose anyone does and would probably take the same approach as you! x
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  4. October 23, 2014 / 1:19 pm

    The first Christmas my husband, then finace, stayed at my parents’ house my mum made sure we slept in separate bedrooms. By that stage we had already bought a house and we were living in it together. I respected her decision and got on with it. I have to say though nearly 17 years later we have never ‘done the deed’ at my parents’ house. It would just seem so wrong!
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  5. October 23, 2014 / 4:45 pm

    Funnily enough I have been there on this one too. I think it is easier with boys in the sense that ‘they’ don’t get pregnant but that doesn’t mean that they won’t get someone else pregnant. Like you I was quite laid back although it worried me to death. I agree though the bus stop is not the place and I guess if you go all strict on them they will just find somewhere else to do it.
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    • October 23, 2014 / 4:47 pm

      I think having much younger siblings like our teens do is the best contraception there is, I don’t think she will be making any mistakes after living with Syd!

  6. October 23, 2014 / 4:46 pm

    Sounds like you’re dealing with it very well to be honest! Maybe invest in some earplugs and all will be well 😉

  7. October 23, 2014 / 6:34 pm

    Yes! A long time ago now but the boyfriend sleeping over just kind of happened as far as I remember. I mean, I was in charge but it seemed normal and natural.
    My mum took the puritanical stance so I didn’t want to do that!

  8. October 23, 2014 / 7:11 pm

    Luckily mine are still a way off from bringing girls home but as a teen my Mum was amazing when it came to things like this. She allowed us to sleep in separate rooms but she knew something was probably going to happen and so I had “the talk” and she bought us condoms. I know a lot of mums are against this but I really admire my Mum for this. I was at least in a save environment and had very little risk of falling pregnant.
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  9. October 23, 2014 / 10:17 pm

    I can image it was really odd for my parents when my boyfriend stopped over – we had separate rooms though. x
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  10. October 23, 2014 / 11:10 pm

    Wow, I really can’t think ahead to this in the future, with mine being only 3 years and a baby! You sound like a really understanding and open-minded mother. She’s lucky to have you and hopefully she’ll always know she can talk to you if she needs to.
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  11. October 24, 2014 / 8:28 am

    My mum and dad were always quite relaxed about my boyfriend staying over, they didnt make a big deal of it and I knew the rules x
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  12. October 24, 2014 / 8:54 am

    Oh my goodness. I don’t know how I’d cope! You are most definitely doing the right thing and I salute you for that, but I know how I would feel in your position – very awkward! Maybe they will feel awkward too and not do it because it’s all a strange situation.
    I’m going to go away now, because I’m finding it slightly weird that I’m speculating on your daugyter’s sex life!
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    • October 24, 2014 / 11:21 am

      Haha, yes, I nearly didn’t post because I didn’t want to discuss her sex life, but then decided it was about my response rather than her private life so felt OK about it in the end!

  13. October 24, 2014 / 1:00 pm

    I moved out at 16, the first time we stayed with my mum she allowed us to sleep under the same quilt. I put it like that, because it was on the living room floor! As if sharing a bed would, somehow, be worse! (The floor wasn’t squeaky, bonus!) 😉
    Good luck xx
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  14. October 26, 2014 / 9:52 am

    Oh gosh, I so haven’t been there, mine are about 10 years behind all of this….but it already makes me feel a bit faint thinking about it. Good for you though, sounds like you’ve come up with a solution that works for all of you. eek
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