As I have spoken about before, I didn’t set out to do extended breastfeeding, it just happened naturally. And now it has just stopped, pretty much naturally too.
Syd was a boob fan from the word go, he latched on moments after birth and didn’t let go for an hour or two. My elder two had self weaned by 14 months, no sign of that with Syd. We were still going strong at three, and I was starting to wonder if he would still be feeding when he starts school just after his fourth birthday – for some reason this made me feel a little uncomfortable, even though I know it shouldn’t!
150 weeks ago?! That sounds a lot longer than it feels, but this seems to be the only photo I have of Syd feeding!
The past few months it had slowed a lot though. He rarely asked for a feed in the day, and we were down to a feed before sleep, and the very occasional night waking.
Still he got upset if I suggested we try not having any at bedtime, and having got this far down the road I really didn’t want it to be a forced ending.
Then a couple of weeks ago he had a stomach upset, that night he didn’t want any milk, not surprisingly. Nor the next two nights, even though he was feeling better. So I thought maybe this is a good time to stop. The fourth night he wanted ‘boob’ as he calls it. I gently said no and distracted him and with barely any fuss he forgot about it and went to sleep. And that was it really.
He still asks some nights, briefly, and I just tell him we have stopped that now but that we can still have all the cuddles and snuggles, and he seems happy enough about it. If he had seemed distraught I maybe would have re-thought, but I think he had got to the point where he was ready and was asking out of habit rather than any real need.
So we are done. I didn’t know his last feed was his last feed, which is a good thing as I think I would have found knowing incredibly emotional. He is my last baby. I will not feed another child and I will miss that closeness, that quiet one to one time, the little heads – snuffling and content.
But he was ready and in all honesty so was I. His lack of need for it had made him a restless feeder of late, which could get uncomfortable as he latched on and off to chat between mouthfuls.
After 3 and a half years of breastfeeding it will be nice to reclaim ownership of my own body, although of course that is hardly total, I still have a small child who treats my body as an extension of his own – he still falls asleep with his hands tangled in my hair, he still spends the day clambering on and off of my lap, he fits neatly (if heavily) on my hip when carrying him.
My big two still hug me, the 11 year old will occasionally park himself briefly on my lap before realising at almost 5 foot tall he is outgrowing it and moving to sit adjacently. And my eighteen year old hugs me, then mocks me for being shorter than her.
When all the clinging, clambering attention of a three year old feels briefly too much, I remind myself this is the last time, and how quickly he will join the big two in needing me in a different, less physical way, and how much I will miss the sticky cuddle days when they are gone.
It all goes too fast doesn’t it – even an awareness that Syd’s pre-school years are peppered with lasts – last breastfeed, last nappy, last first day at school soon to come – doesn’t allow me to slow it down, even as I try to cling harder to the memories, the time still flies, faster than ever I think.
The end of an era. My poor breasts will never regain their once pert glory I fear, over 5 years of breastfeeding in the last 18 years have seen to that, but they have grown my babies well and for that I am grateful. And once they have finished adjusting to a milk free size, I shall treat them to some new bras as due reward,
Love Miss Cisco XXX
Going through exactly this with my last child here too. It really is bittersweet, giving up that baby relationship.
Jax Blunt (@liveotherwise) recently posted…Meet picture book author Elli Woollard.
It is isn’t it – it was the right time for us, but I still feel sad xx
This is exactly how I felt. I fed my son until he was a few months past 3. Knowing I would never breastfeed another child made it incredibly emotion!al for me although the transition to cuddles and snuggles without milk was a fairly easy one. It was a beautiful experience and I’m so glad that I was able to experience it! All the best!
I breastfed much longer than I had intended to. I was waiting for self weaning – it never really happened, so I had to put my food down after several years. Was kind of sad though.
Erica Price recently posted…Trepass Waterproof
I thought my breastfeedign days were over until Beastie came along… planning on feedign as long as he wants x
Polly recently posted…Ideas for Family holidays this Easter
I really felt this even though I didn’t get to breast feed
Looking for Blue Sky recently posted…7 things my mother taught me
Well done for feeding so long. It is amazing what our bodies are designed to do
Jen Walshaw recently posted…Simple paper plate nests
I think it is amazing how long you can feed for, or feed the baby for, well done you x
Rachel recently posted…T London – Darjeeling
I bf Wilf until two and a half and he naturally self weaned but I still miss it! I’m hopeful I’ll get to experience it again one day x
Fritha Strickland recently posted…Jaeger Style with Bath in Fashion
It sounds like the perfect gentle ending. We are struggling at the mo. I think I have a blocked duct or something and the pain is awful. I really don’t want my last breastfeeding relationship to come to an end like this 🙁
Zena’s Suitcase recently posted…Family Fun At Brewers Fayre
I know that feeling! Ours ended on a mundane Tuesday! I cried even though I wanted it in a way. http://www.princesspoetblog.com/2014/02/our-last-breastfeed.html
Now boobing Pip who isn’t really as attached. So I suspect it won’t be extended breastfeeding.
Lucy recently posted…Dear Pip: You are 5 Months Old
My son turned into a calf around 13 months. An energetic calf. He nursed on his hands and knees while rocking back and forth could not be satisfied. The day he spat out my nipple and looked me in the eye with a grin was a little bit sad, but he wasn’t getting enough and I was shrinking at a scary rate. Anyway he loved the bottle which required little sucking and pretty much lived on toddler formula and toothpaste for the following year! Lovely post Sonya!
Jane recently posted…With Wings or Without, That is the Question
What a lovely post. Glad that you managed to feed him for as long as he wanted and the time felt right for both of you. It is still sad when it comes to an end, but there’s still so much of him to enjoy. x
Sarah MumofThree World recently posted…The general knowledge quiz
Ah this brought a little tear to my eye, very beautiful. I missed breastfeeding greatly when I forced the stop after a year, I will always regret doing that. Although, it was so much better really for her and me (she slept practically attached to me all night) and it was fab to get my body back. But she was terribly upset and I feel so bad about that x
Carolynne @ Mummy Endeavours recently posted…Wicked The Musical – A Review
You totally got me with this – esp as I now realise I have NO photos of my beautiful babies feeding. Devastation! Enjoy getting your freedom back and well done on keeping it going so long – wonderful.
Kate Takes 5 recently posted…LeaversHoodies – A review
Beautiful post . X
You are amazing
Ninjacat recently posted…Popping Your Calke Abbey
Aww these milestones tug at the heart strings don’t they? Congrats on entering a new phase for both of you. And kudos for keeping going so long. I’m always patting myself on the back for going 18 months with both my greedy guzzlers 😉 x
Babes about Town recently posted…Easter in London: 22 Cool Things to Do with Kids (March-April 2015)
We have just stopped here too…….I wanted to continue until Sebby was two but a bout o thrush mean’t it was really painful and Sebby just didn’t seem bothered anymore either. I thought bra shopping would be fun but it hasn’t been………a bit gutted actually
Kara recently posted…Project 365 2015 – Week 13
It must be a bitter sweet end of an era for you but you did fantastically well to feed for so long. I hope you enjoy treating yourself to some lovely underwear xx
You are right, this is the end of an era but hardly anything lasts forever so we just have to embrace the change. Enjoy your body… once again.
agatapokutycka recently posted…Weekly Photo Challenge: Ephemeral
What a wonderful post – it’s amazing how somethings just happen.
Sarah Bailey recently posted…7 Days on the New You Diet
It is the end of an era – and you definitely deserve to treat yourself to some new bras! I’ve only breastfed for one child (my other is adopted) and I feel privileged to have done so.
Mums do travel recently posted…POP BOOK photobooks
Awww, it is sad isn’t it, such a big end of an era. My youngest never seemed to want to stop either…and then just did and I was slightly upset.
Cherished By Me recently posted…Disney’s Cinderella
I remember when I finished with Little A after she’d just turned two… it was a very bitter sweet experience. Well done you for going as far as you did – you should be very proud of your boobies, they’ve certainly earn’t a very good rest now! And well done for spotting the opportunity to stop – good intuition. Well done you! X
older mum in a muddle recently posted…All Woman
It’s brilliant that you were able to breastfeed for so long and I can totally understand how lovely that one-on-one time with Syd was. Our children grow up way too fast.
Wow well done managing to breast feed for so long, My milk thinned out and F lost so much weight we had to start solids early so I only got to 5 months. X
Lori recently posted…EASTER DECORATING IDEAS // INTERIOR STYLING
I always thought I would breastfeed for longer then I did but Hayden’s allergies stopped me at about 4 months. I didn’t know what he was allergic too so he was transferred to special formula. Maybe with the next little one. Well done sugar x
Charlotte Braithwaite recently posted…Mummy and Me: Disney, Nursery and Swimming
Reading these breastfeeding posts makes me so melancholy. Your amazing breasts… they will absolutely deserve some lovely new bras, some luxury moisturiser and some kind words. They’ve done an incredible job nursing and nurturing your children.
It all does go so horribly fast, doesn’t it? Gretchen Rubin’s, “the days are long, but the years are short” rings so loud and so true. Ah, melancholy, melancholy, melancholy. Christ, I might go and fetch myself a JD now. Lovely post xx
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Oh I ADORE that quote! x