I am not doing much this week. I have all the hours I could need now Syd has started his full-time hours at school. But all I want to do with them is lie on the sofa and watch box sets on Netflix.
I partly put this down to recovering from being ill last week and the after effects of high dose antibiotics. But there is prob a little more to it than that.
You see, she leaves on Saturday and I can hardly bear to think about it. I am so proud of her for getting into uni. I am so proud of her for being ready to fly. But I am struggling with letting go.
I will be fine once I am into the new normal. And I know she is going to be just fine at uni. It’s the waiting I can’t bear. The clock ticking down until I have to say goodbye. I want it over with and at the same time I don’t want to do it at all.
So instead of blogging, helping her pack and all the other things I should be doing with my time, I am watching House and Doctor Who. Mostly she is watching it with me too, even though she also has a million other things she should be doing.
We are hibernating on the sofa, making the most of hanging out. Not even talking much, just being together – absorbed in the familiar worlds of differential diagnosis and time travel. It is safe there, we don’t have to think about the changes ahead.
Next week I will deal with the reality of being ‘redundant’ . My baby will be at school, along with his big brother. My big girl will be in Manchester, full of hangovers and freshers delights. They still need me of course. Just my hours are changing. A little in Syd’s case. A lot in Betsy’s.
There is no redundancy pay off. No letter of recommendation for a future employer. Just a gap waiting for me to fill it. And fill it I will. I have already signed up for an OU course starting in February. And of course I intend to pick up the pace back here on the blog. But first a little mourning for eras that are ending.
No more babies. No more pre-schoolers. No more daughter under my roof, well, not for the next 3 months anyway.
It’s all good and as it should be, I just may need a box of tissues or two before I regain my usual cheery self, oh, and if I need a little more help, I hear Orange Is The New Black is a good place to start….
Love Miss Cisco XXX